Bleach Chapter 569

Absolutely nobody can tell me that Bleach isn't about Rukia as well as Ichigo.
Her bankai name is Hakka no Togame, which roughly translates to "White Haze" + "Judgement/Reproach"
So basically: Bleach.

Can we just have a fucking shonen style manga with a female as its main character already?
Actually, Kill la Kill may just fit the bill.  It only took until 2013, but it is also superior on many other fronts, such as equal opportunity fan service, wicked soundtrack, and constantly dialling it up to 11.  Kill or be killed, ladies! (and gentlemen.  I'm not sexist)

Will You Regret That Tat? #Shit Cosmo Says

A truly regrettable article, published by Cosmopolitan (US) in their August 2012 issue.
Reposting this from when I wrote it on facebook back in July 2012, because articles like this still make my blood boil.

Worst.  Issue. Ever.

Here is the article.

Usually I don't care about the trivial fluff printed in Cosmo.  I do not take them seriously.  They are so full of shit all the time that it's hilarious.  Very few things get me riled up when the objective is brain candy.

But when they try to approach a topic that concerns young women and their health, identity and safety and EPICALLY FAIL at providing advice for it, I simply could not sleep until I cast my two cents into the void that is their editorial mailbox. 

Here is my letter to the editor.  I didn't make the editorials page (lol), nor did they apologize for the article :P

Hi Cosmo,

I am writing out of concern with your flowchart feature "Will You Regret That Tat?" in the August 2012 issue of Cosmo which made the most appalling conclusion in determining what kind of tattoo would be "least regrettable".  The resulting advice was that if the planned tattoo were a song lyric or quote (some ELSE's words... with deep personal meaning of course!), in black or blue ink, SMALLER than a compact and being tattooed anywhere but the lower back, chest, neck, face or finger... then "GO FOR IT!"

The resulting tattoo that I could imagine makes me cringe- how much text can you fit in 3-4 inches?.  It would be a smooshed, illegible mess in a matter of months.  Terrible, appalling advice from a writer who clearly has no idea what makes a successful tattoo.

ANYONE considering a text tattoo should make DAMN SURE the thing will be legible in 10 years, which means large, easily discernable letters with proper spacing and a bold, attractive font- because you also want it to look good, right?  Ever seen Lady Gaga's upper arm tattoo?  Smaller than a compact my ass.

Obviously, if you aren't willing to make the commitment to the large size- especially with text- DON'T.  WHY would you get a text tattoo only to NOT be able to read it?!

I have taken the liberty of composing my own version of "Will You Regret That Tat?"

DON'T

• if it is flash art*, or directly from the first 5 pages of Google images
• if it is ANYBODY'S name- pet, husband/boyfriend, deceased relative or band/artist.  Wouldn't they be better commemorated with a picture representing them? (I don't necessarily mean portrait)
• if you are getting it to impress/rebel against somebody.
• if you are going to be stingy with the cost.  Pay to get it done right by someone reputable.  If you can't afford it, DON'T.

GO FOR IT

• if you have personally gathered picture reference for it and designed it, or had your tattoo artist design it
• if you are willing to put sunscreen on it constantly every day that it will be exposed to the sun- forever.
•  if it is easily hidden with both casual and conservative business dress.
•  if you are willing to commit to a size that will properly convey the detail that you want- LISTEN TO YOUR TATTOO ARTIST ON THIS ONE.  If they are any good, they will give you a heads up on how it will age. Small (less than 3 inches square) is only good for extremely simple, graphic renderings.  Nervous about your tattoo being seen?  Then why bother with one at all?

A feature which could have been simplified with more practical advice or focused on health and safety in regards to this popular cultural trend turned out to be profoundly disturbing by how ignorantly it was composed, seemingly by the opinions of someone who has never had a tattoo.

... closing greeting to editor, hopefully conveyed with a chilly tone of voice.

/endrant

*I am aware that there is some really incredible flash art by awesome artists out there- if you can wade through everything else. This is still a don't because so much flash art is reproduced without consent or acknowledgement of the artist!

Also.  This is just the basic shit I could come up with WHILE READING THE FEATURE.  Common sense, really. 

EPIC FAIL COSMO.

My personal rule is "go big or go home".  And I learned that from experience.

Live Action Hetalia

Here is my Hollywood actor wish list for a hypothetical Hetalia live action movie.  International actors FTW~!

Jeezus- it makes me groan when I see other people do this shit but here I am- fandom makes you do crazy things.  Also was an excuse to look up images of cute men.

Axis Powers

Germany: Michael Fassbender

So quintessentially Doitsu there is simply no other contender.  We already know what he looks like in WWII uniform thanks to Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds.

Japan: Yusuke Iseya
Maybe a bit too uniquely featured and bad-ass imaged to be straightlaced and soft-spoken Japan.
But I do love him so.

Italy/Veneziano: Jason Biggs
It is hella difficult to find native-born Italian actors
(in the age and cutest factor that I was going for)
So had to settle with some of obvious Italian descent.
Biggs has great comedic acting chops.  It's my list, so there.  

Italy/Romano: Milo Ventimiglia
I can see it- can't you?
Arguing with Veneziano, dissing Germany, being a dick to Spain.  Adorable.

Allied Forces

America: Chris Evans
THE INTERNET AGREES. A MUST-HAVE.
He is pretty much the reason I made this list.  Let's face it- Hollywood has chosen him to represent 'Murica  

Britain/United Kingdom: Andrew Garfield
Because eyebrows, that's why.

Russia: Anton Yelchin
I love this guy sofuckingmuch.  Dreamy Russian-speaking voice?  Check!  Innocent appearance?  Check!
Acting prowness to demonstrate mild and friendly demeanor yet provoke alarming unease towards the insidious creeping terror that is Russia?
Check check.

France: Vincent Cassel
Another one a little outside of the age range but wow!  The stubble!  The eyes!  The thoroughly convincing perverted characters that he has portrayed!  (Dirty, dirty France)

China: Jay Chou
Not Chinese, but Taiwanese.  You will find a surprising number of Taiwanese in Hollywood playing Chinese and Japanese characters.  Don't know why, but I'm all for it.

Canada: Ryan Gosling
Special bonus nationality i.e: my own.
I'm not really a fan.  But girls seem to love him and I am okay with Canada having a dreamboat image.  Cute glasses, dude.

Some days I think I might like to join tumblr.
Then I think: Mmmm better not

Uryu....

Someone needs to tell Uryu that if he is planning a double-cross, he needs to make sure Bach doesn't know about recent pop culture.
I would cry for days if he pulled a Severus Snape.
O_____________O YEAH HARRY POTTER REFERENCE.  I JUST WENT THERE.

....sorry.
I'm gonna put this out there cause it's my blog- I hope Orihime is gonna be the one who brings him back to the good side.

my one and possibly only fanfic

Behind Closed Doors, begun Feb 2013, completed May 2013.

Summary: Rukia thinks she's alone and focuses on her desires for a change. Ichigo finds out. It's the start of something new, but there are many factors against them. Love doesn't come without consequence, but it is worthwhile nevertheless. Set in two parts: pre- and post- Thousand Year Blood War arc. 

Contains LEMON and is rated M for mature readers only.  

Genre: Romance, Drama and Smut.
Words: approx 40,000
Chapters: 8

Like so many other fanfics, it contains my personal interpretation about how their relationship would progress once it got physical (if Bleach was a hentai, maybe :P)
Also a lot of my personal headcanon, i.e: how Orihime's character would be better if she managed to get over Ichigo, pro-IshiHime, Central 46 being bureaucratic dickbags (Soul Society's government is messed up, guys), and Ichigo being a young adult with hormones.
Some of it was simply created by the urge to circumvent the cliches out there (am I the only one who thinks Ichigo would not make a great division captain?  And that he's not just going to stay in Soul Society and that will be the HAPPIEST ENDING) ...and to give Rukia a more balanced role of career ambition/personal responsibility and not just want to pop out kids.  Fuuuuuck.

I'm happy it's out there.  I'm happy I did it but I'm also happy it's done.  You won't see much writing from me for a while :P

Oh yeah, and manga chapter 537? Omigod, Kubo.

Thank you for this face. DAT FACE. Shit, I'm freaking out about how grown up Ichigo looks.

I got a few things wrong in my Masaki theory post because Kubo.
What I knew for sure:  Masaki could have easily defeated Grand Fisher, but Juha Bach did sort of kill her indirectly.  It's simply a good reason for Ichigo to get involved on a personal level.
Hear that Quincy King?  You just made shit personal.

It wasn't a surprise to see Uryu doing the 'betrayal' thing but it still made my heart sink.  I have no doubt that he has ulterior motives but of course it's going to be dragged out forever again.
Did you do it for the uniforms, Uryu?  I don't blame you.  Dude looks like a GQMF.

Bleach theory re: Masaki

WHOA you guys.  WHOA.  I just realized something about Masaki Kurosaki.  (Ichigo's mother)

Spoilers up to chapter 530

IshiHime... i do what i want

If anyone notices that this was inspired by the running joke in Guillory/Layman's "Chew" (Image Comics), you win a GIANT INTERNET COOKIE.

Ahhahahaaahaaa. Had to/wanted to draw it. No apologies.

IshiHime is not totally convincing but I love these two characters.  Uryu's crush on Hime is adorable.  Until their characters are developed more (i.e: Orihime gets over Ichigo, preferably in a very self-confident, sick of one-sided relationship way) nothing is going to move forward. 

I am going to say something that is going to get me internet murdered, but I don't get UlquiHime.  *ducks*

It has inspired some really smoking hot fanart, that is truth.

But Ulquiorra is dead.  Dead and gone.  

I don't deny that Ulquiorra might have fallen in love.  (but this is a shounen manga so any romantic developments have to be KILLED PRONTO)

Orihime was sad when it happened but she didn't mourn afterwards.  She went right back to doting on Ichigo.

If you have been keeping up with the manga up to Chapter 528 and want to know my thoughts, please

sometimes i sit around in my big black dressing gown and pretend i'm a shinigami

Favorite character time~!

Rukia Kuchiki from Bleach

How I feel about this character:
I don't love Rukia so much as I want to BE her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Just Ichigo now.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Orihime!  A girl needs girlfriends amirite?

My unpopular opinion about this character: she's had a thing with Renji... but it didn't work out. (what?? they need to determine this so that there are no unrequited feelings) Hasn't had a relationship since being adopted as a Kuchiki and NOTHING AS EPIC AS HER AND ICHIGO WILL BE.

Post Soul Society Invasion arc they were teaming up on Ichigo hilariously-- Renji is totally her wingman

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: GET. WITH. ICHIGO!!! AUGH  *flails* If Kubo didn't want any characters to get together he shouldn't have given us so much feels and such sexy characters

I am waiting for the IchiRuki

my het ship/OTP: IchiRuki!!!!!!

I did have a RenRuki phase.  Mostly because I was so pissed with Ichigo not making a goddamn move and Renji is sexy as hell.    Not gonna lie, I stopped reading Bleach when Rukia wasn't in it.  Then BAM- Fullbring arc conclusion-- stabbed him again-- all my feels-- bright and shining OTP once more

my fem/slash ship: Tatsuki would be pretty hot.  Who said that??

my OT3: Ichigo x Rukia x Renji OMG DYING.  I could also accept Ichigo x Rukia x Orihime- equal opportunity threesomes, c'mon- GET IT ICHIGO

my cross over ship: I love crossovers but nyaaaah... Bleach universe is already too much

my kink: FemDom!Rukia

my head canon fact: that she and other soul reapers in general have sex.  As high energy souls they have human needs, albeit less need to fulfill them as often.  I refuse to believe that she is a centuries-year-old virgin like creepy fuckin' Edward Cullen.

my gender bend: NOPE.  Rukia does not need to be made male, she is so perfect.  Bleach is enough of a sausage fest as it is
2nd choice answer: See Byakuya

strikethroughs provided for brevity and less evidence of my pervertedness